3. Payday
2. No headache
1. Think I still have a job offer!!
Now this is what I call "life"!
My sister loves to read what ironic thing has happened to me each day. Luckily I don't write about all the stupid stuff, but something dumb does occur each and everyday. For instance, yesterday I was headed to the HS to pick up my son from soccer and well the air pressure light went off and the warning message pops up stating low tire pressure. So I turn around (luckily only a couple blocks from the house) pull safely into the driveway. Now don't tell my husband this, but I was actually thankful for the anniversary gift we got this year (together, but not really)...the air compressor. Of course, I know nothing about the air compressor, yet after a belligerent call to my husband on WHY nothing was coming out of the hose, I figured it out. I did, really, by myself. He was only on the phone for the rant and the "OH, Never-mind, I got it" part. Poor hubby. So the adventure continues. I get it attached and filled up the low, almost completely flat tire. Turned off the compressor and still hear this "sssssssss" sound...tire pressure coming out somewhere. Crap now know what I am getting for my birthday...2 new front tires. Hooorah! =( I guess appropriate considering my anniversary gift. ICK. Oh well, who really wants a Kindle DX or Planet Beach membership anyway.....Pity party complete.
So, call a dear friend who was luckily running around like her normal self...chicken with her head cut off.....seriously she does. I mean she has a tendency to be thinking about the next task while in her current one causing her to run into walls obliviously. However, she came to my rescue and went to pick up teenager from HS. Thanks CHAOS!!! Here is the ironic part of all of this, well first part. My son calls from friends phone - his is taken away for 3 weeks (school, grades) - asking why I am so late, I relate my tire mishap and he laughs and says, you were telling dad about that this morning that you thought the car was driving funny and tires looked like pressure needed to be checked. Light bulb....CLICK! I did, didn't I. Humm. Thank goodness someone listened.
The drama continues. So hubby was suppose to come home and check it out, put on spare...yadda yadda yadda...and well, didn't. So this morning as everyone was shuffling out the door for school and work, I asked hubby to see if tire held air. NOPE. Lovely, so guess I got out of grocery shopping today, but nothing else will get done either. YUCK. Since I don't have transportation, I won't be having lunch with daughter, who has been anticipating this all week. Gonna have to make that up next week. I guess I could clean, but don't want to, guess I will watch all 6 shows that record on Thursdays because that is the only day of the week everyone plays their good shows.
Now this is where "life" becomes "Murphy"!!!
Got through one then phone rang. Hoorah, someone wants to talk to me today. Here comes the second irony....It was the lady I had interviewed with at the beginning of the week, with my semi-bald eyelids from my eyelash fiasco. She was calling to let me know that they had completed all of the interviews and she was calling to let everyone know that they had made a decision....Great so flat tire, no job. Wrong! Then she proceeded to thank me for my Thank You note, she really appreciated it. =D She also said that she thought based on my resume, cover letter and interview that I would be a wonderful addition to their team and that I would also be a reliable addition to their team and wanted to know if I would like to work with them. Squealed YEEEESSSSSSSS! in my head.....deep breath deep breath. In my most professional tone stated, "I know that I am perfect for this position and I would love to become part of the team". We then discussed paperwork and she would like to get it started as soon as possible to get it pushed through. If I could come today that would be great, but since I am not just down the street could come when it was convenient. Irony: DANG IT, big flat truck tire! Ms. Employer,"I would head over there this afternoon; however, I have a flat tire on my truck" (mentally: that my husband didn't change last night.) "I can be there first thing Monday morning"...."Perfect, I will have it all ready...blah blah logistics...goodbyes". Hang up.
With call completely disconnected...get off couch do happy dance followed by high pitched squeal, WOOOOOOOOOWHOOOOOOOO I got a job, I got a job, I got a job. Yes, yes yes yes yes! WHOOOOP WHOOOP! My dog felt it appropriate to chime in with me at this point. Cat looks up disgruntled and annoyed that I was disturbing her nap, then lazily puts it back down and continues nap. WHOOOOOP WHOOOP! Followed by frantic, "Guess What, Guess What?" texts to various people and phone calls. :D
Now, you decide if this is irony or foreshadowing....my wish-she-was-my-sister-sista, made a comment while she was here Tuesday that my front tires were looking a little rough and I will probably have to get new ones soon! Thanks A LOT! She totally should know better, that was just inviting Murphy in. BRAT.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
REALLY?!
3. Doctors appointment went well
2. I feel better
1. Got a wWw get together tonight....wWwhoop wWwhoop
Another Disclaimer: This is not about anyone specifically; however, should you feel that it is about you, then it is your conscience nagging at you not me.
Well, I have to air this because it is driving me absolutely insane! I am a huge Facebook junkie; at least up until the past three weeks. I am so sick of the digs and jabs people feel they need to take at one another. This is not exclusive to one or two, but to a large group of people in general. I won't claim to be an angel, but I make general comments not aimed towards anyone individually. However, once it is said that is that.
There are those...that have an obsession with causing discord through their comments. It's as if they take to heart the "Hang in there" motivational poster with the cute little kitten clinging to the window seal with its front claws. However, if they were to create a poster with the opposite perspective, it would show the back half of the kitten hanging from the window seal and it's back legs dangling inches from the ground. It should say, "sometimes you need to take a risk, and just let go".
Come on people "LET GO"! Somethings are not meant to be! Not always but sometimes you have to give-up or change the dream. Quit living in the fictitious world of "love me, need me, all about me". There is so much more happening, grow from your disappointments. Learn! Realize that your perpetual need to cling to something that isn't is poisonous and parasitic to you and those around you.
These people have a stalker-esk type personality. They sit in wait and when you think it is over BAM! They strike again. What they deem or pretend to deem as polite, apologetic or neutral, is anything but. It is aggressive, mean...maybe bordering on psychotic or dangerous. Seriously you become a twister, sucking in everyone and everything in your path causing devastation and destruction. Cease and desist! PLEASE!
2. I feel better
1. Got a wWw get together tonight....wWwhoop wWwhoop
Another Disclaimer: This is not about anyone specifically; however, should you feel that it is about you, then it is your conscience nagging at you not me.
Well, I have to air this because it is driving me absolutely insane! I am a huge Facebook junkie; at least up until the past three weeks. I am so sick of the digs and jabs people feel they need to take at one another. This is not exclusive to one or two, but to a large group of people in general. I won't claim to be an angel, but I make general comments not aimed towards anyone individually. However, once it is said that is that.
There are those...that have an obsession with causing discord through their comments. It's as if they take to heart the "Hang in there" motivational poster with the cute little kitten clinging to the window seal with its front claws. However, if they were to create a poster with the opposite perspective, it would show the back half of the kitten hanging from the window seal and it's back legs dangling inches from the ground. It should say, "sometimes you need to take a risk, and just let go".
Come on people "LET GO"! Somethings are not meant to be! Not always but sometimes you have to give-up or change the dream. Quit living in the fictitious world of "love me, need me, all about me". There is so much more happening, grow from your disappointments. Learn! Realize that your perpetual need to cling to something that isn't is poisonous and parasitic to you and those around you.
These people have a stalker-esk type personality. They sit in wait and when you think it is over BAM! They strike again. What they deem or pretend to deem as polite, apologetic or neutral, is anything but. It is aggressive, mean...maybe bordering on psychotic or dangerous. Seriously you become a twister, sucking in everyone and everything in your path causing devastation and destruction. Cease and desist! PLEASE!
Monday, January 25, 2010
This Weekend
Originally my weekend was to be spent at soccer games, but teenagers have a tendency to throw a wrench in your plans quite frequently. Since he is now grounded from Xbox and his phone (the world is gonna end) for the next three weeks and nothing but studying is forseen in his near future; my plans were changed.
Although, I was highly disappointed I was unable to whoop-n-holla for my highly talented son (no bias there); I was able to spend the weekend with my wish-she-was-my-sister-sista. Ever since she moved back from Georgia a year ago; we have only gotten together about three maybe four times. Of course my husband was not so keen on hanging with the girls this weekend so he headed to his cousins for a boys weekend of hunting and fishing. Now my wish-she-was-my-sister-sista picked up like we hadn't missed a beat.
I have to say that her and I are connected on such a level that it can be catagorized as paranormal. Almost every major event that we have gone through or suffered has paralleled each other. Our sons were born three weeks apart from each other and both our girls were born on the exact same day. Our husbands were in Iraq at the same times, both times they went...one in the military and the other in the private sector. We even suffered the loss of loved ones within two weeks of each other. That is just scratching the surface.
Her and I have always had a brutal honesty policy. For most people we are an aquired taste. We have always called it like we saw it from get-go and this works for us. There hasn't ever been anything we could not tell one another...so we are fully loaded with some serious ammo for blackmail on each other; luckily it is even.
For the most part we had a great time this weekend. We laid in bed and watched True Blood trying to get caught up for the up and coming season; however, I am still several behind. Oh well. Well, as I stated before we have KIDS...sooooooo as all kids do, they whined, argued (with us), were always hungry and always, regardless of everything they had to entertain them, were BORED. Needless to say they pestered and annoyed us. They annoyed us to the point that we were itching to beat them! We were even contemplating a search for the phone numbers to CPS so they would be on speed dial them. We begged them to call! Really they need a Parent Protective Services. Seriously, parents can be just abused!!!!Luckily they realized that the ice was thin and that they were dangerously close to hitting that red button that would ultimatley cause world annihalation!
After several hours of complete annoyance, I got the decorating bug and started relocating her furniture around, moving pictures to different walls, reorganizing drawers and bookshelves. Finally, I had done as much as I could do there and we headed to my house where I cleaned a lot, hung a couple of things and did lots of laundry. BORING. So then we just sat around and watched more movies. Then when hubby got home the attitude from the kids amazingly dissapated. What is that about???? Teenagers SUCK!
Although, I was highly disappointed I was unable to whoop-n-holla for my highly talented son (no bias there); I was able to spend the weekend with my wish-she-was-my-sister-sista. Ever since she moved back from Georgia a year ago; we have only gotten together about three maybe four times. Of course my husband was not so keen on hanging with the girls this weekend so he headed to his cousins for a boys weekend of hunting and fishing. Now my wish-she-was-my-sister-sista picked up like we hadn't missed a beat.
I have to say that her and I are connected on such a level that it can be catagorized as paranormal. Almost every major event that we have gone through or suffered has paralleled each other. Our sons were born three weeks apart from each other and both our girls were born on the exact same day. Our husbands were in Iraq at the same times, both times they went...one in the military and the other in the private sector. We even suffered the loss of loved ones within two weeks of each other. That is just scratching the surface.
Her and I have always had a brutal honesty policy. For most people we are an aquired taste. We have always called it like we saw it from get-go and this works for us. There hasn't ever been anything we could not tell one another...so we are fully loaded with some serious ammo for blackmail on each other; luckily it is even.
For the most part we had a great time this weekend. We laid in bed and watched True Blood trying to get caught up for the up and coming season; however, I am still several behind. Oh well. Well, as I stated before we have KIDS...sooooooo as all kids do, they whined, argued (with us), were always hungry and always, regardless of everything they had to entertain them, were BORED. Needless to say they pestered and annoyed us. They annoyed us to the point that we were itching to beat them! We were even contemplating a search for the phone numbers to CPS so they would be on speed dial them. We begged them to call! Really they need a Parent Protective Services. Seriously, parents can be just abused!!!!Luckily they realized that the ice was thin and that they were dangerously close to hitting that red button that would ultimatley cause world annihalation!
After several hours of complete annoyance, I got the decorating bug and started relocating her furniture around, moving pictures to different walls, reorganizing drawers and bookshelves. Finally, I had done as much as I could do there and we headed to my house where I cleaned a lot, hung a couple of things and did lots of laundry. BORING. So then we just sat around and watched more movies. Then when hubby got home the attitude from the kids amazingly dissapated. What is that about???? Teenagers SUCK!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Interview....
3. Still have some of my real lashes
2. Got to the interview on time
1. Could totally fit in my interview suit without the jaws of life
Preparation
Now in an effort to prepare for my highly anticipated interview; I called in recruits to help with wardrobe selection...However, they suck and didn't show....leaving poor pitiful me asking my husband for an opinion! Ugh. So again...you two gals that bailed on me YOU SUCK! BUT I still love you!
Well in order to prepare, I, in my unsupervised capacity, came up with a brilliant idea to put on individual lash extensions -- for the first time EVER! Now I must say that I did a pretty good job and they looked quite awesome. However, during the middle of the night I felt something scratching my left eye. So I stumble over my own feet and blink my eyes...they flutter so beautifully, but apparently I put too much glue on the edge of my eye and it formed a clump that was etching away my eyeball. Well, I assumed that the glue remover WOULD work....yeah -NOPE. From 3 am on I had to sleep with a wash rag on my eyes to loosen up the glue.
8:15 a.m. - left eyelash extensions completely off, right eyelash extensions gone except for the corner and the middle. The glue is so thick that cardboard would be deemed softer. 8:45 a.m. - still fighting with lashes but should be fixing my Medusa hairdo! 9:10 a.m. lashes finally off, with some panicked force...slightly bald eyelids...at least I have eyebrows. (huge sigh)I am praying they will one day maybe grow back!
Okay so my bed head had to be conquered, CRAP, 15 minutes before I have to leave!!! Deep breath, deep breath....what in H-E-double-hockey-sticks am I gonna wear? Complete mental break down about to occur. Well, might as well finish it off by trying on that outfit that wouldn't fit last time, but here's hoping... Soooo Oh my Gandhi! It fit! Hoorah... bald lashes, Mrs. Brady 1970's hairstyle, outfit that DOES fit and no make-up running out the door. Thank God for my wonderful husband/chauffeur who drove me as quickly as possible, allowing me to be grumpy and apply my make-up to my extremely sore and sensitive eyes.
Amazingly, I get there with time to spare. I make a 10 minute hike across a new campus in under five with heels. Thankfully I had a few extra minutes to gather my thoughts while my interviewer was finishing a meeting with the campus dean. Now the interviewer looked a little disheveled but-of-course it is a college campus and the last day for possible schedule changes....but she was very nice and just as cute as she could be. She lead me from the crowded lobby of disgruntled students to her slightly tucked out of sight office. We sat down and she was finishing an email to a colleague. I reached down to grab a pen from my purse and holy cow! I still had on those bright white trouser socks that I was gonna take off because they were obnoxious and double crap...where is my purse??? Yea, me...I left my purse sitting out in the fully packed lobby. So bug-eyed, slightly panicked and disheveled I politely excused myself. I should have said that it was to afford her the opportunity to finish her email in peace, but had to provide a prime example of my lack of responsibility or my absentmindedness or my ability to buckle under pressure...pick one. Well I ran to find my purse still nestled comfortably between the seat where I had left it. Thank goodness. That would have been fun...reporting a missing purse to campus police during an interview. Can we say "keep looking"?! The rest of the interview was a little awkward...not so much an interview but a layout of what the position entailed. It is so me! However, the interview again was awkward and there were no questions asked of me; I did the asking. So weird.
Thank goodness it was over. The upside to the interview is that I got my foot in the door and got an interview.
2. Got to the interview on time
1. Could totally fit in my interview suit without the jaws of life
Preparation
Now in an effort to prepare for my highly anticipated interview; I called in recruits to help with wardrobe selection...However, they suck and didn't show....leaving poor pitiful me asking my husband for an opinion! Ugh. So again...you two gals that bailed on me YOU SUCK! BUT I still love you!
Well in order to prepare, I, in my unsupervised capacity, came up with a brilliant idea to put on individual lash extensions -- for the first time EVER! Now I must say that I did a pretty good job and they looked quite awesome. However, during the middle of the night I felt something scratching my left eye. So I stumble over my own feet and blink my eyes...they flutter so beautifully, but apparently I put too much glue on the edge of my eye and it formed a clump that was etching away my eyeball. Well, I assumed that the glue remover WOULD work....yeah -NOPE. From 3 am on I had to sleep with a wash rag on my eyes to loosen up the glue.
8:15 a.m. - left eyelash extensions completely off, right eyelash extensions gone except for the corner and the middle. The glue is so thick that cardboard would be deemed softer. 8:45 a.m. - still fighting with lashes but should be fixing my Medusa hairdo! 9:10 a.m. lashes finally off, with some panicked force...slightly bald eyelids...at least I have eyebrows. (huge sigh)I am praying they will one day maybe grow back!
Okay so my bed head had to be conquered, CRAP, 15 minutes before I have to leave!!! Deep breath, deep breath....what in H-E-double-hockey-sticks am I gonna wear? Complete mental break down about to occur. Well, might as well finish it off by trying on that outfit that wouldn't fit last time, but here's hoping... Soooo Oh my Gandhi! It fit! Hoorah... bald lashes, Mrs. Brady 1970's hairstyle, outfit that DOES fit and no make-up running out the door. Thank God for my wonderful husband/chauffeur who drove me as quickly as possible, allowing me to be grumpy and apply my make-up to my extremely sore and sensitive eyes.
Amazingly, I get there with time to spare. I make a 10 minute hike across a new campus in under five with heels. Thankfully I had a few extra minutes to gather my thoughts while my interviewer was finishing a meeting with the campus dean. Now the interviewer looked a little disheveled but-of-course it is a college campus and the last day for possible schedule changes....but she was very nice and just as cute as she could be. She lead me from the crowded lobby of disgruntled students to her slightly tucked out of sight office. We sat down and she was finishing an email to a colleague. I reached down to grab a pen from my purse and holy cow! I still had on those bright white trouser socks that I was gonna take off because they were obnoxious and double crap...where is my purse??? Yea, me...I left my purse sitting out in the fully packed lobby. So bug-eyed, slightly panicked and disheveled I politely excused myself. I should have said that it was to afford her the opportunity to finish her email in peace, but had to provide a prime example of my lack of responsibility or my absentmindedness or my ability to buckle under pressure...pick one. Well I ran to find my purse still nestled comfortably between the seat where I had left it. Thank goodness. That would have been fun...reporting a missing purse to campus police during an interview. Can we say "keep looking"?! The rest of the interview was a little awkward...not so much an interview but a layout of what the position entailed. It is so me! However, the interview again was awkward and there were no questions asked of me; I did the asking. So weird.
Thank goodness it was over. The upside to the interview is that I got my foot in the door and got an interview.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
BORING!
Top 3
3. Daughter did get to school
2. Enjoyed soccer game
1. Washer works again!
So today was uneventful. Well I was boring. Daughter and I did oversleep this morning so she got to school by 9:20 (horrible)! My wonderful sister callled to relentlessly aggrevate me. I washed laundry since washer was again working. Topped it off with son's JV Soccer game. Now home doing nothing! See extremely boring.
3. Daughter did get to school
2. Enjoyed soccer game
1. Washer works again!
So today was uneventful. Well I was boring. Daughter and I did oversleep this morning so she got to school by 9:20 (horrible)! My wonderful sister callled to relentlessly aggrevate me. I washed laundry since washer was again working. Topped it off with son's JV Soccer game. Now home doing nothing! See extremely boring.
SERIOUSLY HAPPENED!
As per the request of my sister (who delights in my Murphiness), requested that I post my top three positives of the day....
So here are my top three for yesterday. As Letterman does, I will countdown...
3. Didn't burn his pants
2. At least the dryer still works.
1. There wasn't really a fire
Forewarning...This is probably gonna be one of the longer posts, so if you have no patience to read this just skip to ultrasound it is the highlight.
The Elaboration
I must back up to Sunday in order for you to understand where the beginning really began. I spent several hours at a friends house assisting with kitchen detail, cooking Chicken and Dumplings, nesting, watching True Blood season 1 and crocheting. Well she crocheted, but I spent three hours un-knotting my yarn. Then went home and Morgan and I stayed up until midnight finishing this twisted spaghetti mess. At one point we had yarn weaved from living room to animal room (the kids and creature room) and back. It looked like the trick where you weave the yarn between your fingers; have someone place their hand in and then pull and it never touches their wrist. POINT: Stayed up to MIDNIGHT!
Now yesterday after the late night of knottiness; I awoke to the first alarm at 5 am and due to the snoring beast lying next to me, NEVER went back to sleep. Apparently this was a bad thing and I was an ogre. As I do every morning I go into the laundry room to change out yet another load and the washer is full of water and clothes, but nothing is working. Well crap, have to jack with that later because the oh so sweet husband asks that I iron his pants...so what happen to doing that during the football game Sunday. Whatever! Being the awesome person that I am I conceded and ironed, got the kids out the door and hustled to get ready for the highly anticipated MAMMOGRAM AND ULTRASOUND...HOoorah!
Of course, I can never do anything without issue...it is the whole reason for Murphy. I get behind every super slow vehicle with one or both taillights missing! Patience is already shot; annoyance on max. Finally get to hospital and low and behold I am in the WRONG building. Shocker at this point, right? So take the nice jaunt to the opposite side of hospital campus and go to the (say it with me) WRONG SUITE (thanks to the receptionist...got written proof on that). Eventually get to the correct suite...2 later and sign in. This suite receptionist does not greet me at all, but looks behind me to the woman who had just sat down to situate her keys into her purse and place under chair before attempting to sign in and says, "I'll make sure to sign you in first." Yes my jaw dropped but I just held my tongue (shocker again, I know) and wait to be called. This took 2 minutes Hooray, but wait they needed to re-verify my insurance, huh? So an hour and a half later and $347, paperwork is completed and I am whisked right back to the changing/locker room. 2 minutes later make a cup of coffee sit down, open book and called back...starts looking better.
THE MAMMOGRAM
Now for those of you who have never had the pleasure of the mammogram, the horror stories ARE TRUE!!! They have this huge machine in the middle of an ice cold room that stands about 7 feet tall. Then there is a the section that looks innocently enough and is basically a platter for your boob to sit on and then above it is another tray, only plastic with numbers upon it placed in one inch intervals. When your boob first placed upon this platter it is in the lower number category. However, when the plastic tray is deployed down and you are now stuck and have reached the higher numbers...yeppie I got some 7 inch ta-ta's right? Hell NO! We are not men, we don't care! If the plastic vice grip is not uncomfortable enough, they have you stand in funky positions and the plastic "sneeze guard for the camera" comes down to your neck and you have to lean your head back in a highly uncomfortable position, hold your breath and be sure not to move or the whole pancake ceremony will have to be REDONE!
THE ULTRASOUND
Since my breast are dense (buoyant) as are most women's under the age of 35, I was required to have an ultrasound. Yes this is the same thing as when you are pregnant and they put that warm slimy clear gel (that looks as if it is the same consistency of snot) all over my left breast and begin the knot hunt. Half-way through this, the ultrasound tech asks me to turn onto my left side. In an attempt to comply I pull myself up on my left elbow and begin to flip. Well that thing that large breasted women always tease about (but don't ever expect to really happen) REALLY HAPPENED. My right overly snot covered slimy boob slaps me across my face! It was this slow motion horrifying event. It slaps me in the side of my head. Gel gets in my hair and oozes into my ear, slides across my jaw, cheek, corner of my mouth and down my neck! Besides being dumbfounded, grossed out and holding back the gag reflex the nurse giggles. Yes giggles and grabs for an extra towel for which she places across the side of my face, surely so I cannot see her additional giggles from my glistening face. This is one of those surreal moments where you are wondering if this truly just occurred or not. IT did. So as I am desliming my face she finishes the ultrasound on that breast and wants me to flip back over. Are you kidding? However, I have wised up and kept the towel over my face until I was back in the requested position. She proceeds to squeeze half a bottle of the goo onto my right breast and the fire alarm goes off. Flashing lights, announcements, knocking on the door advising us to evacuate. Holy cow, seriously? Really? -- Oh yeah, I sit up and my newly jellied boob begins to rain with clumps of goo onto the sheets. Oh Joy. This is when my laughter begins. The whine-laugh-laugh-whine in limbo noise. I put back on the skimpy -little-2-button-6-inches-apart-half-gown and hospital robe thing as the nurse throws two clean sheets over my shoulders and we are evacuated to the parking-lot! Now apparently these 2-snap buttons widely spaced apart are gapeing open because part of the shirt is stuck to the goo-ed breast. I look up and there is a gentleman on his cell phone who does a double take, 90 degree turn to left and to right trying to determine which way to go George, and completes with a 180 and hasty walk to the other side of the parking lot. 10 minutes later, fire department gives all clear and we are able to complete the highly exciting ultrasound. Doctor did walk in and say "those weren't your breasts". HUH? Then explained that my prior records provided by last doctor were not mine and someone else's. Whew, I was wondering what the hell had just slapped me in the face 20 minutes prior, glad that was all clear.
Called mom and sister to apprise them of adventure, mom was concerned about WHY I was there, sister about peed on herself. Took mom's advice, went home touched nothing crawled in bed and remained there until 5 pm when I got up and made additional pot of Chicken and Dumplings for another neighbor and back in bed by 11!
So here are my top three for yesterday. As Letterman does, I will countdown...
3. Didn't burn his pants
2. At least the dryer still works.
1. There wasn't really a fire
Forewarning...This is probably gonna be one of the longer posts, so if you have no patience to read this just skip to ultrasound it is the highlight.
The Elaboration
I must back up to Sunday in order for you to understand where the beginning really began. I spent several hours at a friends house assisting with kitchen detail, cooking Chicken and Dumplings, nesting, watching True Blood season 1 and crocheting. Well she crocheted, but I spent three hours un-knotting my yarn. Then went home and Morgan and I stayed up until midnight finishing this twisted spaghetti mess. At one point we had yarn weaved from living room to animal room (the kids and creature room) and back. It looked like the trick where you weave the yarn between your fingers; have someone place their hand in and then pull and it never touches their wrist. POINT: Stayed up to MIDNIGHT!
Now yesterday after the late night of knottiness; I awoke to the first alarm at 5 am and due to the snoring beast lying next to me, NEVER went back to sleep. Apparently this was a bad thing and I was an ogre. As I do every morning I go into the laundry room to change out yet another load and the washer is full of water and clothes, but nothing is working. Well crap, have to jack with that later because the oh so sweet husband asks that I iron his pants...so what happen to doing that during the football game Sunday. Whatever! Being the awesome person that I am I conceded and ironed, got the kids out the door and hustled to get ready for the highly anticipated MAMMOGRAM AND ULTRASOUND...HOoorah!
Of course, I can never do anything without issue...it is the whole reason for Murphy. I get behind every super slow vehicle with one or both taillights missing! Patience is already shot; annoyance on max. Finally get to hospital and low and behold I am in the WRONG building. Shocker at this point, right? So take the nice jaunt to the opposite side of hospital campus and go to the (say it with me) WRONG SUITE (thanks to the receptionist...got written proof on that). Eventually get to the correct suite...2 later and sign in. This suite receptionist does not greet me at all, but looks behind me to the woman who had just sat down to situate her keys into her purse and place under chair before attempting to sign in and says, "I'll make sure to sign you in first." Yes my jaw dropped but I just held my tongue (shocker again, I know) and wait to be called. This took 2 minutes Hooray, but wait they needed to re-verify my insurance, huh? So an hour and a half later and $347, paperwork is completed and I am whisked right back to the changing/locker room. 2 minutes later make a cup of coffee sit down, open book and called back...starts looking better.
THE MAMMOGRAM
Now for those of you who have never had the pleasure of the mammogram, the horror stories ARE TRUE!!! They have this huge machine in the middle of an ice cold room that stands about 7 feet tall. Then there is a the section that looks innocently enough and is basically a platter for your boob to sit on and then above it is another tray, only plastic with numbers upon it placed in one inch intervals. When your boob first placed upon this platter it is in the lower number category. However, when the plastic tray is deployed down and you are now stuck and have reached the higher numbers...yeppie I got some 7 inch ta-ta's right? Hell NO! We are not men, we don't care! If the plastic vice grip is not uncomfortable enough, they have you stand in funky positions and the plastic "sneeze guard for the camera" comes down to your neck and you have to lean your head back in a highly uncomfortable position, hold your breath and be sure not to move or the whole pancake ceremony will have to be REDONE!
THE ULTRASOUND
Since my breast are dense (buoyant) as are most women's under the age of 35, I was required to have an ultrasound. Yes this is the same thing as when you are pregnant and they put that warm slimy clear gel (that looks as if it is the same consistency of snot) all over my left breast and begin the knot hunt. Half-way through this, the ultrasound tech asks me to turn onto my left side. In an attempt to comply I pull myself up on my left elbow and begin to flip. Well that thing that large breasted women always tease about (but don't ever expect to really happen) REALLY HAPPENED. My right overly snot covered slimy boob slaps me across my face! It was this slow motion horrifying event. It slaps me in the side of my head. Gel gets in my hair and oozes into my ear, slides across my jaw, cheek, corner of my mouth and down my neck! Besides being dumbfounded, grossed out and holding back the gag reflex the nurse giggles. Yes giggles and grabs for an extra towel for which she places across the side of my face, surely so I cannot see her additional giggles from my glistening face. This is one of those surreal moments where you are wondering if this truly just occurred or not. IT did. So as I am desliming my face she finishes the ultrasound on that breast and wants me to flip back over. Are you kidding? However, I have wised up and kept the towel over my face until I was back in the requested position. She proceeds to squeeze half a bottle of the goo onto my right breast and the fire alarm goes off. Flashing lights, announcements, knocking on the door advising us to evacuate. Holy cow, seriously? Really? -- Oh yeah, I sit up and my newly jellied boob begins to rain with clumps of goo onto the sheets. Oh Joy. This is when my laughter begins. The whine-laugh-laugh-whine in limbo noise. I put back on the skimpy -little-2-button-6-inches-apart-half-gown and hospital robe thing as the nurse throws two clean sheets over my shoulders and we are evacuated to the parking-lot! Now apparently these 2-snap buttons widely spaced apart are gapeing open because part of the shirt is stuck to the goo-ed breast. I look up and there is a gentleman on his cell phone who does a double take, 90 degree turn to left and to right trying to determine which way to go George, and completes with a 180 and hasty walk to the other side of the parking lot. 10 minutes later, fire department gives all clear and we are able to complete the highly exciting ultrasound. Doctor did walk in and say "those weren't your breasts". HUH? Then explained that my prior records provided by last doctor were not mine and someone else's. Whew, I was wondering what the hell had just slapped me in the face 20 minutes prior, glad that was all clear.
Called mom and sister to apprise them of adventure, mom was concerned about WHY I was there, sister about peed on herself. Took mom's advice, went home touched nothing crawled in bed and remained there until 5 pm when I got up and made additional pot of Chicken and Dumplings for another neighbor and back in bed by 11!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
New Year's Resolution and Random Crap
Well 2010 is now here and I have resolved to write a blog for this year. It isn't as if I have anything important to say, but I always have something to say. I will not promise that it will be entertaining, provocative or even intelligent; however, I can assure you that it will be random and probably...scratch that, most likely crap! :D I can also guarantee that it will be packed full of my personal perspective, opinions, pet peeves, irritations, irrational and obscure thoughts. I can also premise poor grammar, run on sentences and of course comma splices (never mastered that). Finally, be forewarned that there will on occasion be profanity and tirrades. Cuz that is just me.
Disclaimer: Should you be offended by what I write, then know that it is you and not me. Therefore it is how you interpret it, not how I intended it.
Disclaimer: Should you be offended by what I write, then know that it is you and not me. Therefore it is how you interpret it, not how I intended it.
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